Co-Parenting During the Holidays: Tips for Creating a Joyful and Stress-Free Season for Your Children

Navigating the holiday season as a co-parent can be complex, especially for those facing their first year of shared celebrations. Emotions can run high during the holidays, making it a challenging time for divorced or divorcing parents trying to create stability and joy for their children. However, with a focus on flexibility, communication, and prioritizing your kids’ well-being, it is possible to create a memorable holiday season that respects everyone’s needs. Here are some tips to help make the holidays smoother and more enjoyable for co-parents at different stages.

For Those Navigating Their First Holiday Season as Co-Parents

The first holiday season after separation or divorce can be especially tough as you adjust to new traditions and routines. Keep these strategies in mind:

1. Start with a Plan
   Begin by discussing holiday plans well in advance with your co-parent. If you're still in the divorce process and don’t have a formal parenting plan, make it a priority to reach a temporary agreement on holiday schedules. Flexibility is key during this time; try to avoid rigid expectations and instead focus on finding a solution that allows both parents to spend meaningful time with the kids.

2. Set Expectations with Your Kids
   Children may feel apprehensive or confused during the first holiday season after a separation. Before the holidays arrive, sit down with your kids and explain the plan in an age-appropriate way. Be honest but reassuring, emphasizing that the holidays will still be filled with love, even if they look a bit different this year.

3. Communicate and Compromise
   Even if emotions are still raw, try to approach holiday planning with open communication. Practice empathy and flexibility with your co-parent. If necessary, consider splitting the holidays so that each parent has an equal opportunity to celebrate with the children, whether that’s sharing Christmas Day or celebrating on different days. Compromise can help make the season smoother for everyone.

4. Prioritize Self-Care
   Going through your first holiday season as a separated or divorced parent can be emotionally exhausting. Make time for yourself to rest, recharge, and do things you enjoy. Whether it’s taking a walk, reading a book, or connecting with friends, self-care helps you stay positive and present for your children.

For Co-Parents Looking to Improve the Holiday Experience for Their Kids

If you’ve been co-parenting for a while, you might be ready to take additional steps to ensure a joyful and stress-free holiday experience for your kids. Here are some strategies to consider:

1. Involve Kids in New Traditions
   Help your children feel included and excited by creating new holiday traditions that are unique to your time together. Letting them help choose decorations, bake treats, or plan holiday activities not only fosters a sense of continuity but also helps make your shared holiday time memorable and meaningful.

2. Coordinate Gift-Giving
   When it comes to gifts, communication with your co-parent can prevent duplications, overspending, and unmet expectations. Discuss what gifts each of you will give to avoid overlaps, and if possible, consider joint gifts or activities that can be shared with your children. This reduces competition and helps show a unified front, which can be comforting for kids.

3. Keep Children Out of Tensions
   It’s important to keep your children shielded from any holiday-related disputes between co-parents. Avoid speaking negatively about your ex or the other parent’s family in front of the kids, as this can add to their stress and guilt. Instead, encourage a positive mindset about each parent’s celebrations. Reassuring your kids that they are loved by both families can be incredibly comforting for them.

4. Consider Technology to Stay Connected
   If your children are with the other parent on a holiday, set up a video call so they can briefly connect with you and share a “Happy Holidays” greeting. A short call can mean a lot to both you and your kids, keeping them connected without disrupting the day. Likewise, be open to scheduling a call when it’s your turn to have the kids, so they can connect with their other parent too.

5. Be Patient and Flexible with Scheduling
   Life happens, and sometimes holiday plans need to be adjusted due to unforeseen events. Show grace and patience if plans need to change, and encourage your kids to be flexible too. Modeling resilience and flexibility not only benefits your relationship with your co-parent but also teaches your children valuable lessons about handling change.

Most Importantly: Put Kids’ Well-Being First

At the heart of a successful holiday season as a co-parent is putting your children’s happiness and well-being first. Consider how each decision—from scheduling to gift-giving to communication—impacts your kids’ experience and emotional health. Even small gestures of cooperation and flexibility can make a big difference in how your children perceive and remember the holiday season.

While co-parenting during the holidays may not be easy, embracing a spirit of collaboration and compromise can help you create a positive environment for your children. By showing kindness, patience, and prioritizing their needs, you’re not only giving them a happy holiday season but also modeling behaviors that will help them build healthy relationships in the future.

Written by: Emily Heird, LPC/MHSP, Divorce Coach

If you are in need of help with a range of co-parenting topics from choosing a divorce option that puts your children’s needs at the center, to modifying an existing parenting plan, to co-parenting coaching, the professionals at Divorce Well Knoxville can help. Contact us today.